When A Client Doesn't Take Your Lead
My daughter and I started watching Chicago Med on Netflix. I like it because it gives us a way to spend some time together after a day of doing our own things. The stories are fast-paced, and we learn a lot.
Sometimes, after treating the initial presenting symptoms, the doctors discover an underlying condition. They’ll recommend a course of treatment, and every so often, the patient will resist. They'll argue. They'll insist they're fine. They claim they just need to be patched up and get the paperwork, and they'll be on their way.
"Nooooo!" my daughter and I say simultaneously to the TV. "Don't do it!"
In the show, the doctors fret. They worry. They don't like it. Sometimes, they'll talk to the administrator to see if there's another way to get them to stay. Of course, the doctors aren't right 100% of the time. That's just part of the drama. But they are most of the time.
They have experience, expertise, the data. They’ve seen this stuff before.
It's like this in your business too.
The Subtle Art of Resistance
Perhaps you have a client who isn't listening to you. Not really. Oh, they show up on the calls, but maybe they have a lot of questions. The questions feel like pushing. Or you can sense energetically they’re pulling away from you.
Or perhaps they're not doing the assignments, or they're not practicing the techniques that you give them in the session. Maybe they're not having that tough conversation they committed to having.
Perhaps they're resisting the process altogether.
It can be frustrating as a practitioner. I’ve experienced this before, and it’s not fun. Part of the reason you’re a coach, healer or other creative entrepreneur is that you want to help people. And this doesn’t seem to be helping.
You’ve likely seen this before. If things continue on this way, you’re pretty sure things aren't going to go the way that you (or they) would like.
On one level, you know something else is likely driving this behavior.
It could be an inability to make space. It could be simply procrastination. Or fear. There could be underlying trauma or something else entirely.
At the end of the day, though, there is some form of resistance to leaning into the guidance you offer. To stepping fully into the potential for transformation. To doing things in a different way than they’re used to doing.
And yet. They’ve come to you.
They've come to you for help to change their current situation.
Clients First
And here’s where things are different from the ER. If this happens with a client of yours, the best thing to do for your client (and yourself) is to explore what's going on. In the ER, they’ve come in to be patched together so to speak, to move past a crisis point.
But most likely they’ve engaged you to help with their overall problem, so its important to engage with them about what's going on - to talk about what you’re noticing. It’s probably something they see too, or at least feel it on an energetic level. And you witnessing that, naming it, offers a deep sense of relief.
So what, specifically, can you do if you find yourself in this position? Here are five steps I'd like to share with you.
Check Yourself
First, it’s important to recognize where the situation may be triggering to you. Is it bringing forth a sense of potential ‘failure’ or inadequacy on your part? Get as grounded and neutral as possible and then ask your deeper self if this thing your feeling is coming from the client’s energy or your own.
If it’s mostly the clients, read on; and if its mostly your own, read on as well, just turn the focus to yourself first before your client.
Show Compassion
Everyone is struggling at some level. Everyone needs help. Recognize that below your own sense of frustration about the situation lies a well of compassion you can access for your client and how she may be struggling. Soften into that, again and again, for as many times as you need to
Ask For Guidance
Once you know you’re confronting a situation and you’ve accessed compassion, you can enter into conversation, prayer or connection with Source. Ask to be shown what this client needs. What does she need? Is it more compassion? Space? Time? Gentle witnessing? A conversation?
Keep your heart open and wait for the answer to appear, not assuming anything. As one of my teachers often says, be willing to be surprised.
Recognize Sovereignty…
Your clients are sovereign beings. Just like the folks in the Chicago Med ER who want to leave, they're making choices about how they're engaging with you and your work. And your sovereign role as business owner is to offer help and support, and as you know you can’t solve their problems for them.
…And Their Soul Journey
Everyone has their own soul journey. Something that you see as problematic for them, may not, in fact, be. Instead, it might simply be part of their soul journey. This situation might well be something that they have to learn, go through, or see in order for them to move forward.
Yes, it may not be in the way you’d wish for them, or even the way that they’d wanted when they decided to work with you. But that too at some level is all part of their own personal journey. It's all connected.
Go Forward in Love
You have no idea how your work fits into the tapestry of someone's life. Sometimes your work may be like what happened in an episode we saw last night. As they were walking out of the ER against medical advice, a patient collapsed in the respiratory distress. That altered their understanding of their situation in a deep way. That event changed the course of their treatment, and ultimately, their life.
Other times, like those patients that simply walk out, you're left wondering, did I help? Did I make a difference? It’s hard, and you can't know for sure. But, if you continue to show up, to serve with the Love and put your best self forward, that alone can make all the difference in the world.